Muslims believe that a person only reaches adulthood at 40. If that’s the case, I shouldn’t feel so bad about the meandering journey of my life so far. But I do. I can’t help it. My significant other (SO) says that I have a tendency to analyze till I’m paralyzed!

However, I’ve come to the conclusion that in life, there ARE useless emotions. Regret is one of them. So is Jealousy. These emotions tend to keep you in a negative loop, wishing and hoping that things were different. They immobilize you, keep you trapped in the past, and blanket you in a cloud of self-doubt and self-blame that makes it hard for you to push forward.

What’s worse is that these negative thoughts just pop up, you don’t even have to try to be negative. It’s the being positive that takes work.

Over the years, I’ve devised a few strategies to counter these negative thoughts. See if they’ll work for you too.

How to Overcome Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTs)

1. If you find yourself feeling bad cos you’re comparing yourself with others, STOP! Remember, there’s always someone above you and someone below you. Heck, even Jeff Bezos has personal and business competitors. If you are feeling sooper bad about yourself, turn your attention to those “below” you and count your blessings. Think you’re fat? OMG go search “My 600 lbs life”. Suddenly you’ll be grateful for your pudgy bits.
2. Remind yourself that there is a Higher Power in the universe. There is Something Larger than you, a Force of Nature infinitesimally wiser and more powerful than lil ol you. You can influence the outcome with your efforts, but it is hubris to think that the outcome of your efforts is 100% on you. Once you accept this, you can be at peace when things don’t pan out the way you planned it. Basically, we must remember this: what’s meant for us will never miss us and what’s not meant for us, even if handed to us on a platter will not last.
3. Do not believe everything your mind tells you, especially when you are alone. Always jot a negative thought on paper, and reframe the thought positively. Even the thinnest piece of paper has two sides, so practice reframing the negative thought, or situation, in way that makes you feel better about it.
4. Do you want to be happy, or do you want to be right? Asking myself that question has allowed me to walk away from arguments that would have otherwise escalated. People can win all the arguments in the world, it doesn’t mean that their life is working out well. In their hearts and in their minds they are simmering even if they “won”. Winning an argument at the expense of relationships or even at the expense of your own personal calm is not a win. It is a high-stakes loss that you may not be able to recover from.

“Recognize when a phase, job, life stage or relationship is over and let it go. Allow yourself to gracefully exit situations you have outgrown. Moving on doesn’t have to be a catastrophic dramatic event. You can simply choose to move forward with peace and clarity”

So, would have, could have, would have, but DIDN’T? It’s ok. The story continues and yours is not the only one with twists and turns.